Now I'm not an expert on rivers but I know they’re very fast
They're also rather dangerous as the currents thunder past
 I hear Leeds City Council have at last seen common sense
Surround that awkward river with a stout reliable fence
But I'm afraid that that solution isn't good enough for me
The hazards that a fence might pose are all too clear to see
 What if that fence should bend or break or even worse, get wet?
 I'm afraid Leeds city council haven't solved the problem yet
 Have you ever seen the Aswan dam across the mighty Nile?
 Now that degree of safety is much more like the style
 It wouldn't cost all that much more and just think, very soon
 We all could all be back in rowing boats in a great big green lagoon
 Or better still divert the flow to where it’s never been 
Hook it up to the beer pumps in what was once the Bowling Green
Then a thousand tons of tarmac could fill in the river bed
An ideal new runway for those big planes overhead
But in view of global warming the runway might get dry
Rip those aircraft tyres to shreds- hundreds more might die
What’s needed is a water source to give passengers a chance
Consultants have advised us we could pipe it in from France
For very little extra we could keep the runway moist
But I've thought of a fear that very few folk have yet voiced
What if a small child should climb up on the pipe and fall
Break a vital bone and sue the bollocks off us all?
I think you know the answer, consider the evidence
Which is why I am proposing the construction of a fence
Why not sign my petition, there's one in every shop
Once we've fenced the pipeline in, why should we ever stop?
Walls and gates and sirens, flashing warning signs
When walking up the Chevin please keep between the lines
But Otley's not quite right ready for these radical ideas
They'll probably just fence the river off and block up all their ears
You're all law abiding citizens of a peaceful market town
But if the fence goes up our one last hope is that
The chavs will pull it down

Blow blow blow your votes gently down the stream
Healthily and safely  Democracy's a dream   

 Copyright © Dave Vermond March 2007