From:
Sent: 21 February 2007 19:30
To: ryk.downes@leeds.gov.uk
Subject: the proposed fence on the banks of the river Wharfe in Otley
Re: the proposed fence on the banks of the river
Wharfe in Otley.
Mr Downes, please forward to the relevant
parties. Thanks.
Sirs,
I am writing to express my delight in your proposal to
fence off the treacherous river in Wharfemeadows park.
It is obvious to everyone that this shallow, slow moving stretch of water is a
danger to all. Please do not let the fact that there has been no incidence of
accidental drowning in the locals’ anecdotes put you off your mission.
My children learnt their respect of water from feeding
the ducks down there, but in the digital age, this is no longer required.
Virtual reality will obviate any need for it.
Children who climb over the fence will be difficult to
save due to said barrier and probably succumb, but these vandals deserve all
they get.
I, for one, am looking forward to the likely decline
in tourist numbers in the town; parking will be much easier and pedestrian
transit across the town won’t be impeded by these incomers queueing
at the local shops.
I expect the swans and geese will find somewhere else
to make landfall for foraging and they do make the river terribly untidy.
I’m slightly perplexed why you are not fencing in all
of the pavements since falling off one of these into the path of the enormous lorries you kindly permit to roar through the town presents
a real danger. Probably your machinations are likely to seem puzzling to
simpletons like me
Forgive me for being forward but I’d like to recommend
some further measures:
Looking forward to some more of your inspired ideas
Regards,